Breaking Free of Thinking Traps
- Kimberly Collins
- May 14
- 3 min read
Updated: 1 day ago
I’m a big believer in thinking things through. In fact, I spend a lot of time thinking, planning, and plotting best courses. But when I'm stressed, I find that I fall into unhelpful ruminating patterns that keep me stuck--and I suspect I'm not the only one. Karen Reivich, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, describes these ruminating patterns as thinking traps and has boiled them down into three common patterns--the Me Trap, the Them Trap, and Catastrophizing. These patterns are different than productive thinking--thinking that builds and progresses--because they frequently cycle, repeat, spiral.
When I fall into a thinking trap, it can feel like there’s no way out. I'll feel powerless, like the problem is permanent and unchangeable. In that state, even small positive actions — like taking a break or shifting focus — feel out of reach. That’s why recognizing when I'm in a trap is so powerful, because if I can spot that I am in a common thinking trap, I can find a way to step out of the cycle and move to more productive thinking.
The Three Common Thinking Traps
1. Me Trap This trap sounds like: “Everything that’s wrong is my fault.” In this mindset, we believe we are the sole cause of problems — whether it’s a failed project or a child struggling in school. Even complex issues with many contributing factors get pinned on the individual. The result is guilt, shame, and an overwhelming sense of responsibility.
2. Them Trap This one sounds like: “Everything would be better if they just did their part.” Here, all the blame goes outward — toward other people or external circumstances. Examples might be: “If only Janice was better at her job…” or “If the traffic wasn’t so bad, I’d be fine.” The problem? These thoughts waste our energy on things we can’t change and keep us from seeing what we can influence.
3. Catastrophizing This trap sounds like: “One bad thing is happening, so everything is going to fall apart.” It’s the spiral that turns a single stressor into a full-blown disaster in our minds. A vague text like “We need to talk” becomes a sign that we’re losing our relationship. A mistake at work becomes a sign we’ll be fired, lose our home, and end up alone. It’s emotionally exhausting and blocks any forward movement.
How to Get Out of a Thinking Trap
Dr. Reivich offers three strategies for stopping the cycle of these thinking traps and pairs them with sentence starters that help kick start more productive thinking.
Evidence – “I know that’s not true because…” This strategy helps us look for ways that our thinking trap is not true and forces us to look for evidence to the contrary. For example, "I know that's not true that I have not friends, because I just had coffee with two of them last week and we have a strong relationship".
Reframe – “A better way of seeing this is…” This strategy forces us to take a step back from the situation, disentangle from it a bit, and look at it from a different angle. As in so many things, perspective dictates our experience of the world, and reframe a situation can invite a more constructive interpretation of a situation--even if it never changes. An example is, "A better way of seeing this is now I have more time with my family now that my team is out of the tournament".
Plan – “If X happens, then I will Y.” Especially helpful for planners, this strategy builds a sense of control and agency in otherwise stressful situations. It's showing our spinning minds that if the worst happens, we've got a plan. One quick caveat: for those who tend to scan the horizon for threats and obsessively plan for the worst to happen, this strategy can perpetuate less than helpful behaviors. So, when you are using planning as a way of getting out of a thinking trap, always ask yourself "is it helpful" to continue to plan more. Ultimately, the goal is agency, not anxiety.
Final Thoughts
Everyone falls into these traps — often different ones depending on the situation. At work, you might blame others (Them Trap). In your personal life, you might blame yourself (Me Trap). Around health concerns, you might spiral (Catastrophizing). What matters is recognizing the pattern and stopping the mental spin — even for a moment. That pause is what builds resilience and prevents burnout.
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